I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
