what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
