It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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