their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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