I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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