I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
