apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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