And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
