my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
