think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
