I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
