Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
