Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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