Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
