I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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