Can i not drive my cunt home
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
