i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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