I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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