Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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