i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
