I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize