the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
