So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Someone stole a lamp last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
