You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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