Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You were trust falling into bushes
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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