i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Small penises have feelings too.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize