After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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