I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
