C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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