So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.