so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
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Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
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I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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