i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????