the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
