I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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