There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
