I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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