i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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