So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
