We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
