Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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