perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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