Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
