I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Randomize
