Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
