I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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