so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
