Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
