I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
