we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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