I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
