oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
