How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
