I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
True strength comes from lack of pants
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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