yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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