can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize