Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
