u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
