You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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