I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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