Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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