about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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