she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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