Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
