white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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