Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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