alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
