clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
